


These Pills Will Save You

by myrrhs



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Drabble, FTM Dave, Not Beta Read, Sadstuck, Suicide, Trans Male Character, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:10:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2797421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrrhs/pseuds/myrrhs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Too much of anything is bad for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Pills Will Save You

**Author's Note:**

> Not my best work, has not been beta'd at all. Forgive the errors.

She remembered the first time the sadness came. It started slowly at first, seeping into her and turning her core colder and colder as time went by, her words sharper and sharper until they were daggers and her being a fragile vessel shrouded in pain and anger. They took her to the doctor after that and she thought she was fixed.

_These pills will save you, these pills will save you._

The bottom of the jar. No use refilling, she was fine, she was happy. She stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, twirling in her red summer dress and trying to smile at her body that was beginning to fill out. It was no use. She took the dress off and grabbed the Ace bandages, fastening them a bit too much. She left them like that and popped the last pill in her mouth.

_These pills will save you, these pills will save you._

Flash forward. Her Bro found out and she got new medicine. She panicked one day and snipped her hair in front of the bathroom mirror, eyeing the long, golden locks falling into the porcelain sink. He yelled at her and she almost, _almost_ regretted what she had done. There were cuts on her hands from when he pushed her. Stronger medication followed.

_These pills will save you, these pills will save you._

At school, she asked her friends to call her Dave. They looked shocked and she played it off as a joke, but they slowly began to disappear in the hallways and at lunch until she rarely saw them at all. They kept their heads down and ignored her. She came home crying and went to school with red marks on her arms more often than not. Tears weren't manly, she reprimanded herself. Red was becoming her least favorite colorand she was losing hope in the medication. They were supposed to fix her, so why did she feel this way? She wasn't a guy, she wasn't depressed. She was normal and all she wanted to do was die.  


_These pills will save you, these pills will save you._

He came out as trans to his brother after research and thought. His brother, furious in his Southern ways, almost kicked him out, before calming down and muttering something about chemical imbalances. New medicine would surely fix everything. These pills were orange and round, kind of cute in a way. Better than the huge white ones from before. Dave clung to the pills, certain that they were the only thing that would be his salvation.

_These pills will save you, these pills will save you._

Refilled prescriptions. One panic attack too many, one cut too deep, one friend too gone. His Bro was always so angry with him, sometimes hit him with his hands or glass when he was drunk. His bindings were too tight and he couldn't think. Bro was gone for the weekend, needed time away from his little sister. And Dave was thinking. It was hard, much too hard. He found the key to the liquor cabinet and drank until he couldn't think properly any longer. Cue the triggers from TV and the trannie slurs and he was crying again, looking at his pill bottle and remembering what the first doctor told him about them. They were his Savior, they were all he needed. He grabbed the pill bottle and the bottle of vodka, alternating between the two and waiting for sleep once he finished.

_These pills will save you, these pills will save you._

 


End file.
